Fishy Feelings

The news has had some terrifying news lately: COVID-19, killer hornets, and the latest…the possibility of snow in May.

I find the last to be the biggest horror!

I have a few friends who are big fishermen, and we got into a discussion about how the odd weather systems impact fishing. I’ve learned a lot about fishing this year, and have developed a real appreciation for it as a sport. Most fascinating to me was how a keen fisherman must keep ardent watch.

Small ripples are seen in the water, which are often signs of the presence of fish, but the tell-tale sign is when birds swoop in toward those ripples. The fisherman and the bird are both fishing: the fisherman is doing it for sport, while the bird is looking for its lunch. Believe it or not, I think there is an important spiritual lesson to be learned from this important aspect of fishing.

Often times in Spiritual Direction someone will ask me why I spend so much time talking about feelings. I often find that directees have a difficult time articulating a variety of feelings, and when they become frustrated they ask why feelings are so important.

Like the ripple in the water, our feelings are indicators that something else is happening beneath the surface of the water. That thing that is happening is often not what we think. For example, I feel anger because someone said something I found offensive. An important question to ask is: what did that comment trigger in me? “Joe” says something that I find painfully arrogant, and it makes me angry. Has he inadvertently struck a chord in my own heart about my own feelings of inadequacy? Did he set off a deeply held fear? The most important question of all: where is God in that moment? What is he trying to do with me? What is he trying to show me?

Often our reaction to feelings is often immediate action. We become angry, and we tell someone off…or worse. Or maybe it serves as the beginning of a chain of events that unfold so fast we don’t even realize it! In the example with fictitious “Joe” – I go and rant about his comment to my friend, who in turn gossips about it with others. Soon the story changes just the slightest bit with each telling. Pretty quickly we have a real mess.

A goal of the spiritual life should be to change that reaction to be more like the bird, who instinctively realizes that something is happening beneath the water.

When I feel angry, sad, anxious, worried, lustful, or generally disconnected: what’s really wrong?

In today’s Gospel Jesus told us, “do not let your hearts be troubled. You faith in God; have faith in me.” A troubled heart always interferes with hearing the voice of Jesus, and recognizing his actions in our lives. We spend so much of our lives building interior walls to protect our fears and hurts that we become conditioned from letting anyone into the deepest core of our hearts. Such a reaction is understandable, and somewhat natural, but we have to push past that habit to let Jesus in. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is a terrifying prospect, and shifting our focus to following our impulses and feelings provides a great distraction.

Those negative feelings we experience can tell us quite a bit about what’s happening in our hearts, and is often a sign that we are reacting to an interior movement of the Spirit. Don’t get me wrong, “Joe” might be a total and objective jerk….but that doesn’t mean God can’t use him to do something with you. In fact, logic says that if God is everywhere and in everything, that means that “Joe” is an instrument that God is using.

By intentionally examining our day, and looking at the movements of the heart, we can train ourselves to react like the bird when our hearts do become troubled: and recognize that something else is happening beneath the surface of the water.