Resentment

Unresolved Resentment Eats Us Alive

I am sure that there isn’t a Christian among us who hasn’t heard a sermon or two about the Parable of the Prodigal Son. The younger son demands his inheritance and runs away and blows it all. He ends up broke, learns his lesson and comes home. The father is delighted that he’s back and he throws a welcome home party, ticking off the older brother, who feels resentful because he’s never done anything wrong and yet the father has never thrown him a party.

The younger son is repentant. The father represents God who is all forgiving. The elder son is resentful and jealous. Done deal.

I dare say: there’s a lot more to it than that!

If you think about it, the two sons are two sides of the same coin. They are both filled with resentment. The father has given them both everything they could ever need or want. In the words of the father: “everything I have is yours.” Yet both sons seem to think they are missing out on something. The younger son thinks he can find it “in a foreign country.” The younger son just chooses to stay home and complain about it. In either case, resentment has taken over their hearts, and they are both unable to recognize the many blessings in their lives.

In the process of recovery we often talk about resentments and how dangerous they can be for folks who struggle with addiction. It makes sense if you think about it. If the younger son doesn’t deal with his anger and resentment he is never going to be happy, even though he has come home. If the elder son doesn’t deal with his resentments he is going to be forever miserable, just like he is now. For the person dealing with addiction, dealing with resentment is the difference between recovery and sobriety. The person who puts down drugs and alcohol is like the younger son who comes home. The person who engages a program of recovery deals the issues that lie beneath the use, negating the need to “leave home” again.

For every single one of us, whether we deal with addiction or not, resentment is an ugly truth that plagues all our lives. If we don’t deal with them directly, and resolve them, we deal with them indirectly. If it’s not with addiction, it will be with something else…but no one can escape resentment, it’s part of the human condition.

Look at how quickly Adam and Eve develop resentment, and act on it! God calls all of creation into existence just for them. He hands it to them as a gift. They have every single fulfillment and satisfaction they could ever want, even eternal life in the flesh free from disease or illness. The serpent comes and plants the seed that God has denied them something…they can’t eat from the fruit of that one tree.

Immediately that thought process kicks in, “I am being denied something I am owed.” They eat the fruit of the tree, and it took very little convincing.

Sometimes our resentments are justified: someone hurts us, someone wrongs us, or someone betrays us. Whether or not they are justifiable does not make them healthy! They are never healthy, because they can eat us alive. Worst of all, they take up room in our heart that is intended for God, and for God alone.

The question is not whether or not we have resentments: the question is, do we deal with them? If we are being honest this is a question that requires some soul searching to answer. We have to reach down and dig deep to unearth those things that plague us! Much of it we have denied so deeply that it’s buried in the deepest recesses of our hearts, and sometimes it has become such a part of us that we don’t even realize they are there anymore – but they unknowingly guide our decision making.

Dealing with resentments doesn’t mean ignoring them. It also doesn’t mean forcing ourselves to forgive people when we don’t mean it.

Dealing with resentments means first of all acknowledging that they are there in the first place! It means recognize the chaos they can cause it our lives. It means working on viewing life from a perspective of gratitude, and conditioning ourselves to look for the good in everything rather than assuming that the world is always out to get us.

Following the command of Christ to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us is difficult, without a doubt. Doesn’t it beat the alternative though? The alternative is to embrace our resentments: and that can kill you.