The Bystander

The popular book “The Return of the Prodigal Son” by Henri Nouwen is a prayerful and reflective examination of the Rembrandt painting of the same name. The moving painting depicts the central scene of the infamous parable from Saint Luke’s Gospel, as the father welcomes the son home. Before getting into his analysis of the text, he points to the people who are situated around the edges of the painting: the man who is presumably the older brother, a man seated and staring into space, and finally two women: one leaning against the arch behind them, and the other whose face peers from the darkness.

In this section he points out his own experience as a bystander, and how at the beginning of his relationship with this great work of art he recognized it for the first time. He said that he realized that he was great at counseling people in how to grow in this relationship: but until then had lacked the courage to fully embrace the journey himself. He realized that he had comfortably settled into the place of a bystander.

Isn’t this all of our stories?

To a certain degree all of us have to make this (sometimes terrifying) step from a bystander on the fringe to a person on a journey.

Some of us are like the older brother in the painting: pious and proud, standing and watching God’s work unfold with hands clasped in formal prayer…but still an unwillingness to walk into the hard work and suffering of growth in relationship. We like the comfortability of our place on the outside. We keep the laws of the Church. We stoop our lives in comfortable tradition and devotions. We are the picture of what many may call holiness: yet on the inside we know the truth. If we aren’t suffering in silence like our Divine Master, we are not making true steps along the road to the Father.

Some of us are like the man with his arms folded starring into space. We don’t even know exactly where we are on the journey. Perhaps conflicting messages and spiritual advice have only gotten us further confused. We know that watching the work of God unfold in the world is comforting on some level, but lack the personal experience to really articulate it, celebrate it, or share it with others. So we simply sit nearby – because being close to it all is somehow important- but generally we stare into space.

Some of us are like one of the two women in the scene.

Some of us may be like the woman leaning against the pillar. She too knows it’s important to be near the work and life of God, and with confidence – perhaps even at times arrogance- we keep some space between us and he as we observe. We watch for…something…maybe we don’t even know what. Sometimes we are watching for signs of holiness to prove that this is a direction we want to go. Sometimes we watch for sinfulness to confirm that doing things our way is better. Either way, we watch from a distance with arms folded. Just far enough to not be involved, but close enough where we don’t miss anything. Either way, we remain separated from that embrace of the father, and do everything in our power to maintain control.

Finally, some may be like the second woman: a face in the darkness of the background. In some copies of this image you can’t even discern that it is a face of a woman, she is so deeply emerged in the dark background. Perhaps some of us take this perspective. At times in life we vanish so far from the Father, his love, and his embrace, that it seems like we are not even in the picture. Sometimes we step just close enough for our face to be seen, but nothing more.

Maybe at different points in our lives we have been all four. Maybe that position changes from day to day. Maybe we find ourselves on a journey from one to the other. Whatever the case: we’ve all been, and in some ways still are the bystander. The prodigal son has subjected himself totally and entirely to the Father, and the Father is united with him in perfect love. When he hit his "rock bottom" he found the grace to start the hard work of entering into the embrace that can last forever - the embrace we can drown ourselves in - if we allow ourselves to.

Why wait? May we all ask God for the grace to move deeper into the embrace of the Father today!