Who directs my prayer?

This entry is part five of a five part series:The Easter 2020 Spiritual Stimulus Package

Joe Sikorra is a Catholic Marriage and Family Therapist with a podcast on Relevant Radio. In a recent discussion about prayer he said:

“So often, even in our faith life, even trying to be a good Catholic, a good Christian, you go, ‘OK God, this is what I need for you to do.’ And this isn’t something new. People try to control God with their prayers. We think, ‘I’ll just say this many prayers and you’ve got to do it, God.’ But Jesus says that you are not in control…And what God is saying to you right now is, ‘If you want to come with me, if you want to follow me, you are not in the driver’s seat. You’re not in control. And God isn’t saying that so you’ll be upset and anxious. Sometimes God says, ‘Breathe. Follow Me. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way to find your true self.'”

Who is in charge of our prayer time? Joe hits the nail on the head in his comments. Consider how often we go to God with our requests and our plans: aren’t we really asking him to comply with our plan, rather than asking him what his plan is for us?

Sometimes I think that when we pray we think that when we make the Sign of the Cross we are opening the conversation with God, and then when we make the Sign of the Cross again we are ending it. Like a phone call with a decisive beginning and end that initiate. Who’s working for who?

Sometimes we go to prayer looking for specific answers to specific questions, and then when we pray not only do we not get those answers, but our prayer becomes scattered and we feel we cannot connect. I remember when I was in the midst of my discernment process to leave my former ministry and pursue reconciliation with the Church. One particular time I remember going to Eucharistic Adoration with a desire for a clear and decisive answer from God. I don’t know how I expected that answer to come – I knew it wouldn’t be an angel or a vision, but I wanted some kind of obvious sign. During my prayer I remember connecting with the Lord in as much as I was able to find a real sense of peace in general: a certainty that the Lord was with me. As I pushed beyond that, I became flooded with distractions and completely irrelevant thoughts. I went home frustrated. Later in the week I was talking to a friend who said, “Maybe God just wanted you to spend some time thinking and praying about how he is with you.” He was completely right.

God is in charge. He is in charge of everything: including our prayer time. We place ourselves in his presence with a willingness to follow his call, but to think that it’s his job to bend to our wishes would seem to get the roles reversed. There are two things in life I can tell you with absolute certainty. The first one is simple: God exists. The second is equally as simple: I am not him.

Prayer is a journey, a relationship. It’s an adventure with lots of twists and turns, and ups and downs. An old married couple who have been together for 50 years would likely tell you that the relationship between them has been all over the place through the years. There were times of certainty and times of doubt. There were times of joy and times of sorrow. There were times for questions and times for answers. Through it all the constant was that they had each other, and an abiding hope that love would bring them through anything. A relationship with God is no different.

There are times of clarity and times of uncertainty. There are times of joy and times of sorrow. There are times for questions and times for answers. He is the only constant: and we must renew each day our abiding hope that love can bring us through anything.

If that hope is our foundation then when we go to prayer we don’t need a bold insight or profound emotional experience. Maybe he’s preparing you for the day that he will send one! Maybe he is allowing prayer to be “dry” so that you will rely more on faith to be assured of his love (“blessed are they who have not seen and believe”). Maybe you are experiencing restlessness because God is asking you to look at something that you find uncomfortable. Maybe he wants you to look closer at your day to day life to find the signs of his presence. Maybe he wants you to rest in stillness and quiet – like the married couple who watches TV silently content.

Letting go of our expectations in prayer can be a poignant experience of sacrifice, if we let it be. It’s a powerful, faith filled expression of trust in him and his plan.

God made a promise to Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. He didn’t see it unfolding in the way he thought it should, and he took matters into his own hands to make it happen. God essentially said exactly what Sikorra was talking about in his program: self-help is no help. God reminds us daily, “if you want to come with me, if you want to follow me, you are not in the driver’s seat. You’re not in control.” Abraham learned this lesson well, as when God calls him to sacrifice his only son Isaac, Abraham obeys. He takes Isaac up the mountain not knowing that God will stop him. He is simply ready to follow God’s call – even in this case that seems so horrifying- simply out of the purest of faith.

As this Easter Octave nears its end and we move into the Easter Season, may we all let God take the driver’s seat. May we have the courage and faith to let him help us, love us, and guide us exactly how he sees fit. Self-help is no help, let God take the wheel.